Kobe Bryant's greed and lust induced wheelchair based bleak future

I am of the opinion that Kobe Bryant has a decidedly different future ahead of him that not many can forsee.

His bright, physical-based future is about to come to an ironic halt. You see, Kobe has a network of illcit manners he has dipped his oversized feet into.

The first and most glaring of the matters is his involvement in a wheel-chair based mob, that likes to go on random crime sprees across the nation, under the guise of handicapped peoples.

The mob's main rub is that members cannot disclose any information regarding their operation or else beocme a ligitement parapalegic.

Kobe has been talking.

At a press conference on KCAL 9 the other night, he not only spilled the beans of his operation when a particulary inquisitive reporter asked about the ankle braces he forgot to take off from last night's crime run on Main Street. He gleefully and boastfully told of last nights endevours to the furiously scribbling journalist. Cries of shock and alarm were heard from the crowd.

Kobe couldn't escape his dark fate.

When he returned home, at his doorstep were two young men in motorized wheelchairs like the ones they advertise late night on informercials for grandmammy and grandpappy. They pulled out two revolvers, and shot his kneecaps clean off.

Kobe's physical based work-days were over.

Kobe has now taken an interest in pottery, growing dreadlocks, and driving about at in the midnight fog in his combustion based mechanical whel chair. He has used his considereable assets to upgrade to a steam powered one and invested in goggles to keep the bugs out of his vision.

Kobe can be spotted at local parks across the nation with his ever-growing dread locks scraping the pavement, sullenly riding up to old ladies walking their dogs, asking if he might be allowed to pet it. This is spurred by the devastating loss of contact he has had with people and with nature. It gives him hope to go on living.

Kobe's steam-powered anachrostic wheelchair interfers with people's vision and singes their eyebrows clean off when he comes to a complete halt. He needs to work on this.

Kobe Bryant wheels about in Walmarts across the nation, scrounging for discounted AA batteries which he throws into a pile in his home when he returns.

Kobe Bryant looks for old, cardboard based Eddie Murphy dvd's at select retail locations across America. These help him fall asleep at night, where he is greeted by visions of his former great basketball player self. Kobe Bryant does not like sleeping.


Kobe Bryant can be seen at the senior center, explaining his dread locks to the Older Generation, looking for some acceptance and understanding. He is frequently seen collecting aluminum cans like other people of his ilk, but then donates them to traveling destitue hobos in keeping with his new found spirituality in Buddishm—the gift of charity.


Kobe Bryant can now be seen mediating on street corners in his metal encased coffin of a vehicle. Sometimes the local children ask for his blessings.

Kobe Bryant has now become an enlightened Buddha, an envy of all sentient beings. People throw coins into the pouch he has located on his cart for good luck. Kobe Bryant does not mind this.

He uses these funds to purchase twinkies at the local Circle K, Eddie Murphy dvd's and other essentials of this truly remarkable and inspiring figure's life.

Kobe Bryatnt's last wishes were that he were to be encased in copper, and placed in the town centere of an Autrian town, where thousands of people pilgrimage to each year.