not trying, by sammy

i feel like im trying to hard to orchestrate my posts and its killing my ideas.

ive been thinking a lot about the issue of integrity and its one of the few things really hammering on me lately. i mean of course im a victim of being fake, ingenuine. we all are at times. but i feel like today, its getting worse with the complete integration of the internet and the media into every aspect of our lives. some of us have so many facets and no discernable foundation. most people are so utterly afraid to be naked (you dont have to take that literally) in front of others so we cover ourselves up, distort ourselves, edit ourselves, add color here and take details away there, we sweep over the truth, leave things out and add others in in the name of appeal or beauty or acceptance and all we are left with is some generic facade. and for what reason? is living a lie really less horrible than being seen by others for what you really are even if they happen to dislike it? ive been having these weird urges lately, compulsions almost, to strip away every pretense and mirror and mask ive been suffocating myself under because otherwise im just killing myself. i am not samantha with nice lighting and a friendly camera. i want to present a solitary me to the world, or at least try as hard as i possibly can. living a lie isnt living. sorry if this is a little self indulgent but actually no im not sorry, i dont care.